Real life jokes

There's an American family here that we've become very good friends with. We (meaning me and my room mate) heard some 'good ones' from them, and I couldn't resist putting them here. All of these are true stories from the local court system:

1. Once upon a time, there was this person who was very fond of marijuana. So fond, in fact, that he grew them at home. So, so very fond, that he was afraid that they might get stolen. What does he do? The natural thing: he installs a hi-tech security system at his home. And just in time too, as a few days later, someone does try to gain entry. The security system does its job, and alarms go off everywhere... including the cops, who arrive, and find the thief, yes, but also the beloved marijuana plants. Do I need to tell the rest?

2. It seems a lot of people love marijuana, because this next one is about them too. As before, there was someone who grew marijuana at home. At some point, he needed to be away from home for a few days. Of course, it's highly unsafe to leave such healthy, precious plants at home, so he left it on the front seat of his car, which he parked at the Airport parking lot. When he returned, the car was there, safe and sound, and so were the plants, safe and healthy, but so were some cops, waiting for him.

3. There was this young lady who was due for a drug test. She didn't make it on schedule, which would usually incur heavy penalties. She comes in, finally, a few days later, and insists that they take her test that very day, and without penalties. "Wouldn't you do it even if I had cut my ear off?" You cut your ear off???!!! Sure enough, there it was, a gaping hole where the ear should have been. How the heck did you manage to do that? The young lady is nonchalant: "Well, I was running down my drive way with the chainsaw in my hand, and I tripped and fell... Now, would you please take the drug test today itself and let me go?? I need to get the test done today itself..."

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Weird, the kind of things people come up with in real life!! Makes for good comedies, though!